


5 Times Tony had Hanahaki and the last time he did

by LokisStars



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Deppression, F/M, Flowers, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Tony, Love, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Poor Tony, Self-Hatred, Tony Stark Has A Heart, cheating?, good luck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-09-19 10:59:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17000292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokisStars/pseuds/LokisStars
Summary: Tony loves too easily, he discovers this at an early age.Hanahaki is by no means a kind disease.





	1. Steve Rogers

      When a child is born, every parent is given a warning and a pamphlet. Children are naive and fickle, especially when it comes to things like love. Due to this, they are extremely vulnerable to Hanahaki Disease. Parents are warned to watch their children closely - and monitor crushes they develop. It's recommended to make sure it remains that way - simply crushes. Children can't properly reciprocate love, the only option is to remove it with surgery if it develops.  
Hanahaki Disease is by no means a kind disease. Only one in five people who develop this disease have their feelings reciprocated. One in five dies from the disease, choosing not to go through with the surgery. These numbers are not set in stone - some simply never confess. If one does decide to go through with the surgery, all feelings of love for that person are removed. Three of five people - willing and reluctant alike - go through with the disease and continue on with their life. Once of a decent age, doctors recommend confessing before going through with the disease. The amount of people coming in with the disease only after the other has gotten rid of their love - simply because neither told each other - is a high amount.  
      The first time Tony saw Hanahaki - believe it or not - was from his father. He was the epitome of steel, unmoving and harsh even to his own son. In front of the camera, he was a perfect father and loving husband, but he was the opposite at home. Maria and Howard rarely spent time with each other let alone their son. Of course, that didn't stop Tony from trying to get their attention when he grew older. Instead, he was taken care of by Jarvis and kept busy. It was a shock when Tony stumbled upon his father in the lab at four years old. He wasn't supposed to be there in the first place after he'd broken something important when he was a baby, and Howard had lashed out. Small bloody footprints were left after him as he stumbled across flowers stripped Carnations and Daisies - following the sound of choking. The closer he got the more he grew scared, but even when Tony was little he didn't let fear stop him. Howard was doubled over a file - Steve's file he found out later on - coughing up blood and beautiful flowers.  
Tony doesn't remember much of that night other than him wailing loudly. He didn't know what was wrong with his father - and his only instinct was to cry out for his mother. It only grew when his father turned on him in a flurry of anger and harsh words. There was pain and red and Tony fell to the ground with the flowers. That night he was put to bed by Jarvis with bloody petals in his fist and a red cheek from his father.  
It was bad luck and irony that had him develop Hanahaki for the same man as his father, only four years later. Tony grew up on stories of Captain America from his father. Stories of his bravery and how Tony was unbelievably different from him. It was the only time his father spent any time with him, and Tony would take those few moments. Even when he turned on Tony and spoke of how much better Steve was. Even if Tony was only eight, and nowhere near a grown man. There was jealousy, but there was also the great feeling of awe.  
      Howard wasn't happy - when during one his few sober moments when he was telling a story about the Captain - when Tony started choking. Something tickled the back of his throat, light and unnoticeable if you weren't paying attention. Tony had ignored it, and later that night when he had a small coughing fit, he saw nothing wrong just yet. It was only after another story from his father, that the signs really showed. Howard had been drinking while he told the story, and at the end where he told Tony he'd prefer Steve over him he hit Tony to the ground. But, Tony wasn't in pain from the slap, the pain blossomed from his chest until he heaved and coughed. Bloody Lilacs and Delphinium decorated his palms, and he heard his father's breath hitch. But, he didn't hit Tony again and instead stood and left the room without a word.  
Tony found himself in the doctors the very next day, first thing in the morning when it was practically empty. Jarvis's hand was steady on his shoulder, warming his body from the lack of both his mother and father. They'd said they were too busy, but he knew they were disappointed in him, they always were. But, the doctor said nothing and Tony was escorted into the room. When he left, the awe he had when he thought of Captain was no more. It was more of an empty feeling like something should be there, and as the years continued it was only filled with negative emotions. His father spent the rest of his time avoiding Tony and mentioning the Captain near him. The second his father had the chance, Tony was shipped away to MIT four years later. Tony couldn't blame him, especially when new flowers threatened to choke him. When they died, he could only mourn the people he wished they'd have been.  
      Tony likes to think that's the reason why the first time he meets Steve in real life he feels nothing but burning jealousy and resentment. He knows, deep down, that Steve is a good guy and he doesn't deserve this treatment. In reality, it was a good thing he'd gotten Hanahaki and removed it when he was young because Steve didn't deserve Tony. Tony was a mess, and Steve deserved someone he could love back. Not someone who was selfish enough to develop flowers he couldn't give back.


	2. James Rhodey Rhodes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhodey apologizes while Tony drowns.

     Tony figures when his dad ships him off to MIT - Tony can't blame him, at this point he wants to be rid of himself - that he'll be fine. After all, in a highly sought after school with kids older than him, who's there to fall in love with? He gets roomed with a seventeen-year-old named James - he nicknames him Honeybear to be an ass but seems he's gotten used to it. Everything, or as everything as it can get for Tony, is going fine.  
    The kids here are jealous assholes, he ignores them for the most part and scoffs. He was Tony fucking Stark - no way in hell would they be able to keep up with him. At first, it was just him ignoring their snide comments, a hand or two shoving him, it was fine he was fine. But, eventually, Honeybear sees it and doesn't take kindly to it. By kindly, Tony means he's never thought someone punching someone in the face could be attractive. But hey, Rhodey makes it look good, damn good.   
     So, he starts doing his best to watch after Tony without risking his grades. Honestly, Tony appreciates it and absolutely hates it at the same time. He knows he's in danger when his heart flutters when Rhodey throws a smile his way. It's dangerous and reckless to keep going this way, but distancing himself won't help. Either way, close to Rhodey or not, he's in danger. The first time he slipped under Rhodey's radar, he found himself cornered in an empty classroom. If he went back to the door that afternoon with a limp and bruises, who's fault was it but his own? It only takes a few more incidents like that, before a few worried and confused looks from Rhodey, drew him right back.   
     He starts waking up in the morning and taking an experimental breath before anything. So, it's no surprise to him when one day he wakes up and it feels like something is stuck in his cavity. It feels like someone just signed a death sentence for him - but it's not surprising. Because, when Tony thinks about it, he doesn't want to get rid of the flowers. He can't tell Rhodey - he's turning eighteen soon and Tony won't put that on him no matter how much he wants to - but he doesn't want to lose it either. Plus, he's kind of fond of the bloody Alstroemeria and Chrysanthemums he coughs into a tissue whenever Rhodey worries over him.   
     Tony starts preparing for his death at only fifteen years old. He keeps building, writes a few letters and tries to make a few amends. It's no surprise when Rhodey notices this strange behavior, and keeps a closer eye on him. Still, when he wakes up in the middle of the night choking around a flower with tears in his eyes, he doesn't change his mind. At first, he worried about his parents - but then realized they'd be perfectly fine without him. Jarvis and his mother would mourn, but he wrote letters for them to try to help. That doesn't mean he let his grades drop. No, no, he wanted to be able to rub in everyone's faces that Tony Stark was still a genius even when every breath aches. Even when it's harder to get up every morning, and every breath brings tears to his eyes.   
     He nearly dies the moment he hears about his parents' death. It sends him spiraling into shock. There's not enough breath coming into him, and he passes out from hyperventilating. When he attends the funeral, there's so many unfamiliar faces and fake smiles. He takes comfort in Jarvis and Obidiah's presence and places flowers on his parents grave. They try to take him out of MIT, but he insists on one more year. It'll be his last time to see Rhodey, he doesn't have long left. It makes him happy to see him again, and he's glad Rhodey doesn't walk on eggshells around him. The teachers do, they coddle him and suffocate him. In comparison, the students get harsher and eventually Rhodey starts walking Tony to every one of his classes.  
     It sweet - Rhodey is sweet - and that's how Tony finds himself crying into Rhodey's arms. He'd had a nightmare involving his parents, watching them die and being able to do nothing about it. There was no air entering him, he was sobbing and drowning on his own love in Rhodey's arms. When he choked on a flower and spit it up on Rhodey's lap, Rhodey's arms tightened. He didn't say anything until Tony was done, and by the end of it, Tony was no longer shaking from the nightmare or effort.   
     " _Tones_?"  
     He sounded so heartbroken and guilty, how could Tony not spill every secret he'd been holding thus far? Tony expected to be pushed away, ignored and left to die. But, instead, he was hugged tighter and pulled closer. At first, he didn't understand the apologies that spilled from Rhodey's lips, but when he did he wriggled far enough away to look at his face.   
     "Don't blame yourself," he begged. "It's my fault."  
     Rhodey looked at him with a solemn, "It's no ones fault those flowers exist Tones."  
     They'd fallen asleep like that, Rhodey didn't complain when he woke to the sound of Tony choking and instead got him a cup of water and helped him through it. The next morning, Rhodey begged him to get the surgery. He couldn't stand to watch his best friend die just because Rhodey saw him as a brother. Tony refused, but after two days of Rhodey begging and the mental and physical strain of the flowers, he agreed. The surgery was quick and confidential. He was afraid when he came out, he'd think and look at Rhodey with that same numbness he did Captain, but he didn't. There was still love and fondness - just not the fondness that wrapped around his heart and strangled him.   
Their friendship remained strong, and they move on as best they can. If sometimes he catches Rhodey watching him with this sad look to his eyes and the tilt of his mouth, he says nothing. If Rhodey catches him smiling at him with more than a little happy twinkle in his eyes, he says nothing and they ignore it. It works for them, and Tony would have nothing more or nothing less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More suffering~! Up next: Bruce Banner


	3. Bruce Banner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching Bruce move around the lab, Tony knew this would end bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way to long, so sorry, but here's more suffering on a platter.

     Tony had admired Bruce before he'd actually met Bruce in the flesh. There weren't many people with intelligence to rival his own - not to toot his own horn or anything. Granted, the first article of Bruce's he read, he hadn't thought much of the man. He wouldn't blame himself, it was only the first of many articles to come. When they kept coming, he kept reading and kept getting more intrigued. As much as he'd loved to meet the man, he wouldn't. In his current state - drunk, partying, and with more than one woman hanging off his arm - all he would see from the man was disgust, he had no doubt.  
     When the man disappeared, Tony mourned as stupid as that fucking sounded. He didn't know the man personally, hell all he knew was what he got from the articles. But, he knew the man's mind and he mourned the loss of that intelligence. Even when he felt the faint tickle of something at the back of his throat, he didn't worry. Bruce was just an idea in his mind, not a physical thing the flowers could latch onto. If he'd ever met the man personally, he'd have worried. Especially, when years later after clawing his way out of Afganistan, when he no longer has a heart but instead a piece of metal in its place.   
     He shouldn't be surprised when he eventually has to meet the man. After S.H.I.E.L.D came around, he'd set Jarvis through going through the basics of his file. No way was he trusting someone that easy - he remembers a rough hand patting his shoulder, a friendly smile and, "Good job Tony, your dad would be proud." No, never again. So, it was no surprise he'd found information regarding the doctor, and what was now the doctor's alter ego. Tony had been surprised after the doctor had disappeared, his admiration for him had sort of hit the back burner. That night, he reread each and every article even when a small tickle started at the back of his throat, but it was okay. He had Pepper.   
     Or, that's what he hoped would stop the flowers but he should've none - not even strong, beautiful, Pepper could stop the flowers from coming back. The doctor was so nervous and jittery when Tony had first met him, and even though the smile on his face when Tony complimented him was small, it was there. It made Tony _burn_ from the inside out, and he smiled around the slight burn in his chest. Even if Tony did want to put more distance between him and the doctor, it seems it wasn't meant to be.  
     Seeing him in action as they bustled around the lab made him tingle and grin. He couldn't help how more relaxed the doctor looked when they worked - whether it was from Tony or being in a more natural environment. It was amazing, and he knew right then that this flower would bloom quickly. Relief and irritation raged a war within him when Steve entered - relief for distracting Tony, anger for even showing his face. Proving him wrong about Shield brought Tony nothing but happiness, especially when Bruce backed him up.  
     But, then a jet was crashing into the helicarrier, there was yelling and roars and rage, so much rage. There was no time for Tony to think about what he wanted to do with his flowers. He was fighting, gods suddenly existed in the world, and now he was standing in front one.  
     "How can they when they're too busy fighting you and your infectious love?"  
     Tink. He knew about the flowers.   
     "Well, you know one in --"  
     Then he was falling, he could feel glass in his back and see the droplets of blood in front of his eyes. Tony was tired, he was so tired of blood, but there was no rest for the wicked and his armor closed around him. He had honestly thought he'd die in space, alone and freezing. Endless darkness had floated in front him forever, only interrupted by the nuke going off and flames. Somewhere he had looked forward to seeing if space would suffocate him first, or his flowers. _One of these days, that would be the case, wouldn't it?_  
     But, he lived and it turns out not only had he been spared a kiss, but the Hulk had snatched him from the sky. He wondered if his flowers would bloom for both of them. Of course, he was shocked when Bruce accepted his offer of staying in the tower - temporary, Bruce had said, and he repeated it to himself mentally. But, no matter how temporary it was, pride built in his chest and the flowers closed around the reactor. As time went along, Tony hated himself more and more.   
     He loved Pepper, he knew it because whenever he looked at her he felt nothing but awe and amazement. She was amazing, she didn't deserve to have Tony love her, she didn't deserve for Tony's chest to bloom for someone other than her. But, all that was happening, and at night when he felt the urge to cough he faced away from her while shame burned in his gut. The fact that Bruce was Bruce didn't help him either. He was amazing, smart, and whenever he jumped or got this absent look on his face, Tony burned. The urge to wrap Bruce up and protect him from whatever caused that look weighed on Tony. Tony didn't deserve Bruce, he didn't when he was younger and in his twenties, and he still doesn't now.   
     It took Rhodey to convince Tony to get rid of the flowers, it was always Rhodey. He'd come in when Bruce and Tony were discussing something in great length. Tony didn't know what had set Rhodey off: maybe it was Tony's hand movements as he spoke or the light in his eyes, maybe it was the way Tony looked after Bruce even as Bruce turned away to busy himself, or maybe it was the peak of a bloody handkerchief hanging out the back of Tony's pocket. Whatever it was, he pulled Tony to the side and held his arms as he looked into Tony's eyes. It was the same look he'd had when Tony had flowers for him - hurt and worrying swirling around in them and...disappointment. That's all Tony seemed to do.   
     "Look at him Tony," he said, gesturing towards Bruce. He could feel Bruce watching them, not knowing what they were talking about, but knowing it was about him all the same. Tony didn't want to look if he did he'd cough and Rhodey would be right.  
     "You think he'd want this Tony?" Rhodey was begging now. "I didn't want you to die because of me, do you think he'd want you to?"  
     Rhodey had left when Tony refused to say anything, just stared at him in defiance. But, he was there when a week later Tony asked him to come over. It'd been a while since he'd drunk, he'd been trying to get better for Pepper, and somewhere deep down trying to get better for Bruce as well. But, tonight was an exception as he had Rhodey hold him - drunk and crying, choking around flowers yet again. With the reactor, it was too dangerous to have surgery to remove the flowers. The only thing that could help was time and space, and he remembers Bruce's face when he made up some excuse on why Bruce had to leave. Hurt, hurt, betrayal, pain, love and oh god was that love Tony saw?  
     It had taken a long time, and that time was nothing but pain. Moments where he couldn't enter his lab, or he'd remember and choke around his love. There were times he didn't want to get out of bed, as he turned away from Pepper's touched because hate for himself may scorch her. He knew why most people got the surgery instead, trying to have the flowers die on their own were way more painful. Eventually, after limited contact with Bruce - even with phonecalls - one morning he rushed to the bathroom and choked for an hour. A large, bloody Freesia stared up at him from the toilet water, and he watched it drown as he flushed it.   
     He was more cautious with Bruce after that, even if he knew the flowers couldn't grow back after being coughed up. Bruce came back to the tower after Tony invited him back - guilt, hate, and shame burned in his veins when Bruce looked happy to see him. They went back to their routine, even if things weren't the same. Sometimes the conversation would trail off, glazed over eyes would wander to the other as they thought, and touch was limited. It was for the best, at least that's what he believed until he walked in on Bruce coughing bloody Gladioluses onto the floor. He'd tried to help but:   
     " _Please Tony, you'll only make it worse._ "  
     Bruce had flowers for Tony, is this how Rhodey felt when Tony coughed flowers up in front of him?   
Tony let him go. The very next day, Bruce had his bags pack and even though they hugged, Bruce avoided his eyes. He promised he'd be back, once everything was passed, but Tony knew lies when he heard them. He'd been hearing lies since he was little, but maybe it was for the best. They kept a distant friendship up after that, not the close friendship Rhodey and Tony had kept up. It made him wonder if they could've been something if Tony had tried to change himself for the better. But, even that distant friendship ended eventually. They created Ultron together, things went terrible, and must Tony ruin everything he touches?   
     Bruce left.

     He never returned from the spacecraft, flew up and up and never returned. Tony couldn't blame him, all he seems to inspire in people is hurt and disgust.


	4. Pepper Potts

   To Tony, Peppers flowers were the most beautiful flowers that’d grown in his chest.

   Throughout the years, Tony grew up thinking assistants were all that - assistance. Just someone to pester him and for him to give work and control him. Unless you were his father - then they were something to sneak off when his mother was distracted, someone to pay to keep quiet when they threatened to blab. He’d had plenty of assistance - when he grew old enough to need one of course. But, he’d never touched one of them no matter what the media said -  _ hand on his head turning him away and, “You didn’t see anything, did you Tony?”  _ Well, he let them blab because how would a little reputation destroy Tony Stark? Rhodey hated it, whenever he made time for Tony he’d cast a disappointed look but not at Tony - never at Tony - but at the people around them.

   The board must’ve gotten tired of him, because eventually in came Pepper. She was a surprise to him, and  _ oh  _ did she make an entrance. Most of his assistants avoided his eyes or pressed up into his personal space. Not her, no, she stood tall and looked him in the eye and listed everything he had to do that day. He hadn’t heard, of course, he’d been in awe and she’d given him such a disappointed look when he asked her to repeat what she’d said. When was the last time a disappointed look from someone made him wilt?  _ Hands cupping his cheek, soft eyes and, “Why don’t you just keep out his way Tony?”  _

   It didn’t stop him from doing what he did - drunk nights, women with no names and three days with no sleep. But, he did end up doing more work than he used to do. Nothing much, of course, signing papers or two before he went out. Everything else Pepper took care of, no problem. She did an amazing job but if he told her that he’d come off as flirtatious. So, he just raised her to pay a bit each time, nothing to notice in the long run but that was the point. Then Afganistan came and

   Tony dug himself out of fire and flames with a new heart and a new fear of the world. The weight of Rhodey and Pepper at his back kept him up, and he pushed forward. Every step felt like lead, the light hurt and the dark caused him to freeze like a child. They were with him every step of the way, and he didn’t flinch when he felt the flowers begin to bloom. But, then Pepper was with him and then the flowers died and then O b i d i a h - 

   How many times would Tony have to bury a father that hated him?

   There was Howard with his sharp edges and words, hard fists always urging to put Tony in his place. Then there was Obadiah with his soft edges and eyes, sing-song words and a brain and heat that were disconnected from his actions. Pepper soothed the hurt - distracted him from the demon he’d always known and the demon that’d waited to stab him in the back. But, things never went right for Tony and then he was dying again. He’d live through it, and nearly lost Pepper and Rhodey but they came back. And wasn’t that just selfish of Tony to always make sure they come back?

   It got worse after the wormhole - the nightmares, always on the run as Ironman, and Pepper was stressed with the company. The suit -  his suit that was supposed to protect them - drove her away from the bed and wasn’t that perfect? He shouldn’t have threatened terrorists - he’d gotten her hurt and he nearly drowned. Kids - Tony didn’t think he’d be a good father, but Harley was a good kid and that’s why Tony gave him what he could but didn’t stay. With all this and he thought he’d lost Pepper - well he thought she’d leave him.

   Of course, it was Ultron that drove her away like it did Bruce, he only had so many strikes.

   As she turned away, Tony didn’t say anything around the single Daffodil, Gladiolus, and Hydrangeas threatening to overcome him. He respected her decision - she deserved it, and he wouldn’t chase her down. But, he wouldn’t avoid her either,  _ Bruce’s eyes were full of hurt and guilt whirled in Tony’s gut.  _ So, he made plans for his death - every breath hurt around the reactor and it built and built with every day he lived. He figured he might die in his sleep but then the Accords happened and Steve was bringing the shield down and h E co Ul d N’  T b R e a Th E 

   He didn’t tell anyone about what happened in Syria -  _ cold seeping into his bones, Steve’s shocked eyes at the flowers Tony coughed up and, “Those aren’t for you.”  _ It took time, time Tony very much didn’t have, for Pepper to come around. The day she called and told Tony she wanted to meet with him was the hardest to get out of the bed. He would’ve died the next day - he knows he would’ve, felt the tightening in his lungs and saw the arc reactor flicker. But then there were arms around him, hands cupping his face and she was back in his life. 

   It doesn’t stop the feeling, long after her flowers have died, he still feels them. Feels the imaginary tickling in his throat when he makes her angry, struggled to get out the bed when she isn’t there, and he knows she loved him. So, maybe it’s just Tony being dysfunctional, and he pushes on thinking it’s fine. 


	5. James Buchanen Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a short chapter just like this flower

     James Buchanen Barnes - the shadow of Steven Grant Rodgers. Or, he was the shadow of Steve in Tony's eyes. As well as his father's eyes - after all, he wasn't Barnes's friend, he was Steve's friends. In his father's eyes, he was one of Steve's closest friends and this directly clashed with Barnes being Steve's best friend. A best friend Steve took on ever mission to hunt down a Hydra base, who had a need for a famous mechanic on such a ride? But, maybe Tony's view and information on all this was bias. After all, he got all this information when he was seven or so from a drunken father in a dark lab with broken objects all around them. There was also the fact that Tony may or may not have gotten some brain and liver damage sometime in his twenties from the alcohol. But, he was still a genius and still very much alive so what did that matter?  
He was rambling - back to James Barnes, or Bucky, which ever you choose. Tony didn't know much about the guy, Steve rarely spoke about him and when it did it was during vulnerable moments when Tony felt wrong asking questions. Moments when Steve's face was so soft and his eyes downcast, with his voice so quiet Tony thought it would carry on the wind. Sometimes it did, sometimes he'd stop midsentence and stare off into the distance long after you'd taken your leave. He hated when Steve did that, hated how something curled in his gut other than burning jealousy that this was the man his father loved and not Tony himself. But, James Buchanen Barnes was dead, Howard Stark was dead, Steve and Tony were like cats and dogs, so everything was the same.   
     But, there was a very _not dead_ James Barnes sitting in the middle of Tony's workshop. Why was it always Tony? He tapped his desk, cast a glance to the monitor that showed him his lab, and looked around the room. For whatever reason, there was a dead man in his lab, who'd done something to Jarvis because so far Jarvis hadn't responded to him. He'd wondered if he should call someone, but Barnes hadn't done anything yet and Tony may be a genius but he did dumb things. So, he went down and oh boy was it a good choice.   
     "Don't tell Steve."   
   "Steve's looking for you?"  
    A nod.   
     It was only Steve's fault for only informing a few members on the team that he was looking for Bucky, and not include Tony. There was also the fact that Tony lived to please. And the man in front of Tony who looked incredibly different from the pictures of Barnes he'd seen, and an incredible looking metal arm, well what wasn't there to please? He narrowed the tickling in his chest down to the excitement of the arm and danger of the situation. But, he knew what it was and there was no way he could avoid it really. It was either avoid new people the rest of his life or deal with the flowers blooming for no reason. All they did was get worse after every dismissal of them.  
    No one can tell Tony he didn't try, and for fuck's sake he literally hadn't done anything this time. The man wasn't there a majority of the god damn time. When he did appear, he sat in his lab and watched Tony work like some goddamn ghost. He was quiet, didn't ask for anything, and Tony didn't pay him any mind. Really, all Tony had done was make sure there was food and tinkered with his arm once or twice. But, still the flowers persisted and Tony choked and spit around them. Anytime a full one came up, he crushed it and threw it away. No, he wasn't angry at Bucky but at himself. Was this how it was going to be? Coughing up flowers for anyone and everyone that fucking looked his way?   
     Not that he had much time to think about it when the Accords came along. The woman had thrown him for a loop - her innocent son was dead and underground because of Tony. How could he do nothing to try to help out? But, of course next to no one agreed with Tony, how could they? Steve himself said Tony was wrong, and they'd trail after him no problem. But, Tony tried even though all this talking weighed on him more than the bouquet, and getting up in the morning was becoming a real chore. Hell, he'd even involved another kid, how fucking stupid was he? Peter shouldn't have gotten involved in Tony's shenanigans, but here he was.  
Then Bucky himself was on Tony's side, and everyone he'd known and held close was fighting and  
   and   
       and   
    R h O d EY

f     ell  
     Natasha let them past, then had the nerve to call out his ego then disappear off the goddamn planet of the earth. Even when he'd found out the truth and tried to help, Clint spit in his face and - wasn't it his own choice to be here instead of with his family - and Sam, _a pretty complete fucking stranger_ was the one to trust him. Maybe it'd have been better for himself if he had died of alcohol poisoning in his youth. But, he soldiered on and only allowed himself to stagger from the roots after the doors had shut behind him. And then they'd opened on a new horror.  
     A new horror, because that was his mom and dads car driving down that street. Then, that was Bucky's arm around his _mom's_ throat - an arm he'd touched and edited himself in the comfort of his home. Yes, Barnes was his quickest flower yet. He'd choked and coughed, smacked Steve's hand away, and spit the flower up in front of both of them. Guilt and sadness were painted on Steve's face, and anguish on Barnes's because he knew. But, none of that mattered because that was his mom and Steve knew.  
     He supposes, watching the snow fall down on him as cold seeped into his bones in a Siberian bunker, he deserved all of this happening to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I love Tony guys


	6. Peter Parker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared

    Tony never believed he’d be a good father, hell he still wasn’t a father really. He is, however, a mentor to a kid - and helped another kid out in the past. Really, with his past experiences when it comes to family and being a figurehead, all he could do was try. So, he tries to do everything his father didn’t, when interacting with Peter. .               Sometimes it doesn’t work out, sometimes he’s a bit too harsh. Usually, when he’s a bit to harsh he spends the rest of his day wallowing in guilt and self-hatred, before forcing himself to apologize to the kid.   
    The kid, oh the kid, how did someone like him look up to Tony? For every apology, the kid would just bounce back up with a smile and a, “It’s okay Mr.Stark! I understand!” He hated it, he really did - or well, he tried to convince himself he did. But, he always felt himself relax with relief afterward - he’d throw a smile, a pat on the back, ask him some questions as he brings the kid to eat. .      Eventually, he realizes that he doesn’t hate it, he hates the fact that he doesn’t deserve it. He thinks of people he apologized to in the past, who he needs to apologize to, and sees nothing but broken bridges. This bridge, with the kid, if it were ever to break - Tony doesn’t see how he’d fix it.  
    It stresses him out beyond belief, and he sees just how much he stresses over it when Pepper shakes his head at him. She thinks he’s stressing for no reason, the kid loves him and Tony’s a great man, so why worry? (Every time she says he’s amazing he thinks of Bruce and Barnes and - how dare he bloom for someone else.) But, that’s in the past, long in the past. Barnes has fucked off with Steve and his fam- team and Bruce left.     So, instead of when she says that, he brings up how he brought a kid into a battle with super adults. He shoves that guilt into the back of his mind, tries not to acknowledge it. Time continues.

    The kid gets better, keeps doing his friendly spider business, and Tony keeps an eye on him. Probably not as close as he or the kid wants, but he has Happy on it and Tony trusts Happy. But, he makes sure to read whatever Happy sees him, and ignores the smile that graces his face when he hears the kids up to something. He fucks up, he eventually does, but how could he not? The kid had gotten into something he shouldn’t have, and he wanted to be Tony for god's sake. He took the suit away to protect him, and tried to ignore the voice in the back of his head and the slight tickle in his chest at the hurt in Peter’s eyes.  
    But, oh, oh, when Happy told him what happened and how Peter nearly died -- Tony nearly saw red. He doesn’t know if it was red from anger, or red from the force that had him double over as he choked. Staring at the flowers on the ground, he felt nothing but horror and panic claw at his chest. Why was he a fucking sick individual? It took time for him to square his shoulders, crush the petals, and continue on with his day. Even longer for him to offer Peter a spot as an Avenger - he refused, the saint - and for him to even look Peter in the eye, let alone touch his shoulder. The flowers didn’t go away, no matter how much he tried to make them.   
    In came Thanos - Tony hates being right, he hates the way his chest constricted out of panic and fear at the sight of the aliens. Everything was falling apart, and he didn’t even have the fucking guts to call Steven Rogers. How pathetic was he?Pathetic enough to not realize just yet, that the kid would get involved. Pathetic enough that he couldn’t even send the kid home properly. If he died, it’d be on Tony and Tony’s well aware of this. Looking at the kid with fear, worry, and everything in his chest hurt. But, the longer he looked the more he saw himself in the kid and he finally realized what type of love the flowers in his chest were for. The relief crashed with new horror, and he didn’t want to see the outcome of this trip.  
    Of course, all trips end one way or another, don’t they? He knew it wouldn’t have been easy, but damn. The wizard and Tony had made an okay team and made a good plan with the space team. It was all following the plan until Quill was punching Thanos and who was this Gamora? When it fell apart, Tony was left with a bleeding side and no idea what had happened. The wizard had given the stone up for Tony, and he looked over at Strange. Strange refused to look at him instead of staring up at the sky. Peter’s as confused as everyone, and he looks to Tony for guidance. It was quiet, which was why it was even worse when everyone slowly went up into dust. He was alone, with his kids ashes in his arms, and his last words echoing in his ears.  
    “I’m so sorry.”  
    Why?  
    Why would he apologize to Tony? He couldn’t help but double over, shove his fists into his eyes so he didn’t have to look around. The robot chick - Nebula - gave him time, but not enough. Soon enough, she was touching him and pulling him up, pushing him in the direction of a ship. It took time for him to think ahead - shove everything to the side because they’d get them back.But, time passed and kept passing - his chest grew tighter and tighter, more blood and flowers while Nebula watched. Simple actions took the breath out of him, his energy depleted and kept depleting. He was dying, and he wondered whether the lack of oxygen would suffocate him first, or his love. Staring out into the endless black, he wondered if it really mattered. Howard's hand on his back assured him it didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought you'd get a happy ending didnt you?
> 
> Any request or suggestions for my next story? 
> 
> Also sorry for the wait, we don't have wifi at my house currently

**Author's Note:**

> I just really love Hanahaki disease things, and I found that there wasn't enough.


End file.
